Without Fear

Sitting at 7th and Madison on a park bench in Washington D.C. there was a overwhelming reality that there is a decision that i need to make. This decision will affect the way i view the world, the circumstances i'm in, and myself.

I've always been a person who worries. I become anxious about following a designated game plan. I lose sleep over future plans and following God's will. So many times i just want to make my brain stop. As I was sitting on the park bench, it had been one of those afternoons, so many concerns just kept pouring in. I wanted to enjoy our team time, not be anxious.

Hmm...while I waited i realized that all of my concerns could be traced back to a single characteristic or flaw, i was fearful. FEAR was captivating my every thought, every relationship, every action i had taken and planned on taking. There was no reason for my FEAR, in fact i had every reason to be content.

As i sat people-watching from my bench in the park i knew that it was a conscious decision that i had to make. i was causing my own FEAR, i was inducing my own paralysis, it was my fault. My emotions were getting the best of me and it wasn't until i returned back to truth that i could make a decision.

Some of the truths i returned to:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9

i love Jesus.

"He will give you everything you need day to day, if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern." ~Matthew 6:33

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

As i was reciting this verses in my mind, i had a homeless women with 4 children approach me for money, several tourists who spoke no English needed directions, and i watched hundreds of people working fervantly towards a career. Each of these have far greater concerns and challenges in their life than a college student leaving her dream could even imagine having. Yet at this moment i couldn't escape my own selfish challenge.

i love Jesus. i love Jesus.

i had to decide...Do i TRUST God?

Is my TRUST in God going to outweigh the FEAR i have about life? (i give this idea lipservice, but i had to decide are the actions in my life going to validate my decision.

I decided... i do TRUST Him. I TRUST Him with ALL of my life including: my today, my purpose now, my future, and my relationships.

Getting up from the park bench i knew that i could be a different person. A person more focused on Him after being reminded of His greatness. A person who remembers her place beneath the cross.